Jealousy. That undesirable, unwelcome and unwanted visitor. Who likes to admit to a close relationship with this green-eyed beauty? An intense and sometimes overwhelming emotion that can leave us feeling out of control and dare I say it……ssssshhh……crazyloopy…..(or was that just me?).
Have you ever said “oh I’m not a jealous person”. For most of my life, this was not a familiar feeling. I would observe other people exhibiting it in certain situations and think ‘that all seems rather irrational’ and shake my head in smug bafflement. No prizes for stating the obvious.
Several years ago, after some big personal life changes, I found myself catapulted into a cesspit of intensely disconcerting feelings and emotions. I made a commitment to open myself up to 100% self-love and embrace and accept all parts of me. This opened the door to all sorts of unexpected horrors.
Jealousy and I suddenly became bosom buddies and like a mysterious, pervading unpleasant smell, I couldn’t seem to shake it off. It just would not leave me alone, until I became really comfortable acknowledging its presence. Apparently unrelated incidents seem to trigger it and I behaved and responded in all sorts of irrational nutbag ways. There was many a time where I found myself spewing forth all manner of venom and the recipient would stare at me as though I was in a remake of “The Exorcist” and then start to slowly back away. Ok, well not quite but you get the gist. It was a strange, out of control kind of feeling, for about 2 years until I got to know it intimately and listened to what it was trying to tell me.
Initally I was full of judgements about how ‘wrong‘ it was, how ‘terrible‘ I was, how ‘unworthy‘ because really ‘no decent person feels like that‘ and ‘no wonder your husband left‘ and other helpful chit-chat. I went around in circles just hating myself and denying my feelings. But it didn’t go anywhere, until I had completely accepted it. ALL our feelings are merely divine messengers. It was an incredibly valuable time and I learnt so much about myself – mainly about how self-love is a long-term commitment. It was during this time that I received the information for and created “Receive” Alchemical oil, which is about receiving and acknowledging ALL parts of ourselves back into our hearts – particularly the aspects we really don’t like, like jealousy.
So if you ever find yourself in this state of inner turmoil and feeling so bad – about feeling so bad, maybe this will help you feel a teensy bit better, in knowing you are not alone.
This is what I learnt (over and over and over):-
- EVERYONE feels jealous at some time or other. Most people just don’t admit it, either to themselves or to anyone else – as they fear being judged, so they repress or ignore these feelings. So give yourself a break. Newsflash – you’re human.
- Jealousy is never about anyone else. When we feel jealous in relation to what someone else is doing, it’s because a part of us feels it’s missing out. E.g, if he/she is giving someone else attention – does that mean that there is less available for me?
- Jealousy arises from an underlying belief “there is not enough love for me“. This is obviously NOT true. However, there is a part of us that believes this to be true and believes in a limited supply of love. Love is infinite.
- Jealousy is an opportunity to address your own needs. Feelings of jealousy are a result of our own lack of self-worth. So the good news is – we can do something proactive about it. No-one else can satisfy these needs for us in a sustainable way. What small step can you take now to take responsibility?
- Jealousy is a cry for help from an incredibly vulnerable part of us that is desperately trying to get our attention. Imagine this fearful, lonely and anxious part crying out ‘Please listen to me. I really need your help. I’m feeling neglected and unloved.‘ If it was a friend saying that to you, wouldn’t you take the time to listen? Or would you stick your fingers in your ears and sing ‘lalalalalala can’t hear you‘.
- When you feel that churning, burning jealousy in your gut or chest, it’s a chance to ask “what part of me am I most resisting?’. Breathe into it. Own it. Acknowledge it’s there. Ask “What part of me do I find the most difficult to love? What do I most need from me right now?” You might be surprised at the answer. It’s usually not about the situation appearing on the surface. Dig a bit deeper.
- Jealousy is a HUGE gift waiting for you. So the next time you have this feeling, don’t try to suppress or block it. Just acknowledge to yourself that it’s there. Welcome it with a sense of curiosity. I guarantee it has a gift for you. Allow the answers to come. They will. They have probably been waiting to be heard for a long time.
Here’s the big question to ask: “What part of me is so desperately seeking acceptance from others – when I’m soooo unwilling to give this to myself?”.
What an opportunity to really get to know this part of you that you’ve been avoiding and neglecting, because of your judgements about it. Once we get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, everything else is just an experience to observe. When we get to know and embrace the parts of ourselves that we find the most challenging, transformation occurs in the most unexpected ways. When we give ourselves full permission to feel everything, then we become truly present with ourselves. When we become truly present with ourselves, we can be present for others…..We can stand in our authentic truth and say ‘yes this is me. Green eyes, warts ‘n’ all!‘
Share with us below, what you do to address any feelings of jealousy that arise?
And now just in case that was a bit heavy and because I like this song, click here for “Green Eyes” by Coldplay