—–

Similarly, RULERSHIP will determine the strength of the luminaries.  For example, the Moon rules Cancer.  So a person with the Moon natally in Cancer will have a naturally strong Moon – while a person with the Moon in Capricorn, the opposite sign to Cancer, will have a naturally weakened Moon, as she is sitting in the sign opposite the one which she rules.  So here we have another potential for strong emotional foundation – and therefore liking who you are – versus a somewhat weakened emotional foundation, perhaps prone to self doubt or self criticism.

Then, taking it a step further, I’d also be looking at how these three pivotal chart characters are interacting with each other.  A healthy relationship between Sun and Ascendant is likely to show someone who truly likes who they are … a difficult aspect between Sun and Moon could show someone who is often at odds with themselves, as their two core selves are coming from different sides of the same story.

And then there’s the rest of the chatter that’s going on in the chart – how the other planets are interacting with the core three, and whether it’s a pleasant and easy-going conversation (trines and sextiles) or whether there is a hard focus, disagreement and major themes to be worked on (squares and often conjunctions).

And yes, there are some planets whose life it would seem is to just make us work hard for the money.  Or self-image.  They are the ones that will try us, push us, prod us, poke us – and funnily enough, they are the ones from whom we are going to get the greatest growth and the greatest development.  Usually after the fact – and assuming we take on the challenge.

Two such planets are Saturn and Chiron.  There’s a good reason as to why Saturn is known as the Great Teacher, and Chiron, technically an asteroid, the Wounded Healer.

And it is from these two planets that much of our self-love story – how much we are capable of loving ourselves – might unfold.

Let’s take Saturn as an example.  A hard aspect from Saturn to a natal Sun can feel restrictive, bound by rules, even a little cold.  And given the Sun is such a monumental force on the chart, unless there is plenty of strength elsewhere to counter the heavy Saturn influence, an emerging story may be one of a lot of hard work to get to a place where the Sun is seen for the loving, life-giving influence it is.  And that hard work may leave little room for self-love or self-appreciation.

Similarly with Chiron in difficult aspect – square and sometimes conjunction – this asteroid may not be showing its healing qualities, but rather its wounded/wounding qualities.  Chiron shows where we are hurt or capable of being hurt – and so an afflicted Sun or Ascendant for example – one which has a hard aspect to Chiron – may be suffering an injury.  Physically or otherwise.  Which may cause issues around self-image, and how one is perceived.  Which in turn could lead to confidence issues – and potential for a lack of self-love.

Sounding familiar?  Seen some of these hurdles in your own life or the lives of loved ones?  Then you’ll know it’s also possible to overcome these hurdles – once you’ve had a chance to recognize, understand, analyze, work with – and claim them as your own.

Every chart is unique.  Each has its own challenges – and each has its blessings.  It’s about recognizing the obstacles and opportunities within the chart – and where one needs to grow – and finding a way to make the difficult conversations more palatable, more rewarding.  More loveable.

And once you unravel the mysteries of the basic you – your Sun, Moon and Ascendant – you are well on your way to a better relationship with yourself.  Take it from me.  I may have a difficult Sun/Chiron signature in my chart .. but in recognizing it, have learned from it, and with a very strong Moon in Taurus, and an easy sextile between my Sun and my Ascendant, I often find the time to wink at myself in the mirror, rather than asking if my bum looks big in this.

Remember – before you can love someone else, you must first learn to love and respect yourself.  And much of that comes down to understanding who you are, why you are – and learning how to make it all work most positively for YOU.

Wise words indeedy from Astrosparkles.  Thank you so much for that great overview of the areas to explore in our birth charts to get a bit more insight into why we may sometimes struggle with self-love and self-acceptance. The more we can understand ourselves, the more we can address our own needs. I know I had a few a-ha moments reading this article. How about you? Have a great self-loving day!

Today we have a real treat – a combo of two of my favourite subjects – self-love and astrology.  I asked one of my favourite astrologers, Rozanna Bozabalian of the twinkly Astrosparkles for her take on this subject close to my heart.  I find astrology a fascinating tool to understand ourselves more deeply.  Read part 1 of this intriguing post

Self Love.  Ask an astrologer to explain those two words and whatever way they tackle it, it’s likely to come back to revolve around a few common words.  Sun.  Moon.  Ascendant.  And then a few more .. like Chiron.  Saturn.  Maybe even Venus.

How these planets and chart points interact – or talk to one another – in your birth chart, will often indicate issues around self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love.  Or in fact whether there are any issues at all.

Posed another way, I might ask how often you look at yourself in the mirror?  Because looking into your natal chart is not just an exercise in self-discovery – it’s looking into a mirror. Do you like what you see?  What’s your perception – wrinkle or laugh line?  Are you likely to scowl at your reflection – or wink at it? Do you actually take just a cursory glance – or do you really look deep?

We’re all born with the same set of planets, asteroids, fixed stars and other chart points which spell out who we are going to be, what we are going to do, where we are going to go – and how we’re going to get there – the differences are that these players are scattered and sprinkled in different formations and settings for each of us, dependent on birth time, day and location.  And what our life journey is about. Just as our fingerprint is unique, so is our astrological print and flavour.

So back to that extremely important question of self-love.  What is it that makes one person confident and another less so?  Why is one person capable of loving who they are but another not?  What makes someone happy and content with being who they are?

Delving into a birth chart and from a basic view, three natal points hold the key to self-love – or in other words, how much we might like ourselves.  The two luminaries (often referred to as planets) – the Sun and the Moon – are big keys in deciphering the puzzle.  The SUN, which is all about core self and ego, the MOON, which is the emotional self.  And then there’s the ASCENDANT or Rising Sign –  which is who we show to the world.

In looking at a birth chart, look to these three players first, because in and of themselves, they speak volumes.  Even without looking at anything else, a person’s flavouring is going to be evident by the sign and house that their Sun, Moon and Ascendant occupy.  And then the delving begins.  Hard aspects to a natal Sun, easy aspects to a natal Moon, or mixed aspects to an Ascendant are contributors to who we are and why we do the things we do – and why we are all so very different from – or similar to – one another.

So what determines how much self-love, self appreciation and confidence you might – or might not – have?

Like an onion, there are just SO many layers.  We’ll take a look at a few possibilities on a VERY general level – and please remember I said VERY general level – so don’t panic!  Yes, a lot more does go into your make-up, but we have to start somewhere – and even with this general overview, you may still find yourself nodding your head as lightbulbs go off.

For starters, look to the CONDITION of the planet itself.  Planets are considered strengthened or weakened on a number of factors, depending on where they are found in your chart.  Planets in angular houses for example – the first, fourth, seventh and tenth houses – are said to be stronger – or accidentally dignified – because they find themselves in what are considered strong houses.   So a Sun or a Moon sitting in one of these houses is strengthened by its positioning.  And in looking at this as a stand alone feature for example (ie without considering aspects), an accidentally dignified – or strong – Sun is likely to show a healthy ego.  One quite capable of liking itself.

To be continued….

Hmmm intriguing. Makes sense to me with my Sun and Moon, both in the 9th house…obviously not the strongest position for them.  Meanwhile check out your chart for free at www.astro.com and see where those important planets are. Have a look at Astrosparkles popular Facebook page for more astrology news!  Have a very self-loving day and we will discover more tomorrow.

I had already decided I was going to Europe to visit my family in the UK so I decided to check and see if would be possible for me to fit in a chocolate-making course somewhere fantastic.  I chose Rococo Chocolates in London as I knew the company well and some of their organic chocolate bars also combined another passion of mine – aromatherapy essential oils. HEAVEN!   I contacted them to book a place and was told ‘sorry, we’re fully booked’.  Disappointed, I said a heartfelt prayer to the chocolate angels asking to please remove any obstacles to my year of exploring my passion and then just let it go.

The next morning I had a call from Rococo informing me that someone had just cancelled and so there was now a place for me. Yay!  My Mum and I had discussed going back to Belgium together to revisit a place we had lived in when I was a baby.   All I could think of was ‘what better place than Belgium to continue exploring my passion for chocolate?’  So after a fabulous day at Rococo Chocolates, where I learnt to temper chocolate and make bars and truffles, we flew to Belgium. My Mum and I consumed our bodyweight in chocolate in Brussels and Brugge and had the most divine time.

There are literally chocolate shops on every corner.   Did I decide after that trip that I wanted to move back to Europe, become a chocolatier and find my Johnny Depp lookalike?   Well maybe yes…   (I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for Johnny and if the rumours are true, he may well be single).

The point I’m trying to make in a longwinded way, is that I just allowed myself to explore it purely for the enjoyment.  I also managed to do this whilst including another passion of mine – travel – whilst having quality time with my Mum.

What do you associate with the word ‘passion‘ and how can you explore what lights you up from the inside more deeply?  Tell me which passion are you exploring this year before Friday 17th February and I will send a bottle of “Passion” Alchemical oil to one reader. Come on, oh passionate ones

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

I would suggest if the concept of loving yourself is too overwhelming that a good place to start is by just being kind to yourself. A more gentle approach to self-love and self-care is essential in the early stages of tapping into your own power. Loving yourself is about creating a vibrant life for yourself that needs you to be the best version of yourself to enjoy it.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

The best self-love tip I’ve ever heard is that if you place yourself in the shoes of your daughter how would you want her to feel about herself? I grew up with a mother that always said she was ugly and didn’t have a healthy level of self-esteem. This was such a blessing because I followed in her footsteps and found her to be such a powerful teacher. She was a role model that I knew I didn’t want to replicate (even though I love her).

The lovely Amy Cunliffe, Transpersonal Art Therapist of Creating Healing in Sydney, has written a guest blog piece for us about creativity for self-healing. Enjoy

A New Year has dawned and for many of us it feels like a blank canvas of new possibilities. 2012 feels to be about connecting more deeply with our inner truths and creating a life that is more in line with who we really are, rather than who we ‘should’ be. Many are asking: What brings me joy? What are my passions? What is my purpose? Sometimes we get caught up in expectations and need to re-connect with what is important to us.  Creativity is a wonderful way of connecting with and expressing our Authentic Selves, our unique essence. It offers new perspectives into situations that are often not accessible in the analytical (often critical) mind, transporting us into a greater space of Being, embodiment and presence. When we create, we speak from our Hearts, our Soul, our Spirit. Creativity has the powerful ability to bring about healing – to renew, grow, transform and to make whole.

Creativity shows us we don’t need to become ‘different’ or ‘better’. It provides an avenue to express, explore, receive and integrate all the wondrous colours and facets of our selves, the light, the dark – and all shades in between. It teaches us self-acceptance and self-love.  You may think ‘I’m not creative’ or ‘I’m not an artist‘. We all have the ability to create, dream, to bring into being and shape our experiences. When we’re young we are naturally imaginative, playful and free. However, life experiences can shut down our innately creative selves. Our Inner Critic can deter us from trying new things with thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough’. We pressure ourselves to be ‘good’ or ‘perfect’ or compare ourselves to other people. When creating there is no right or wrong, just a willingness to express and explore yourself and see what emerges.

“Each of us possesses a creative self….The ultimate creative act is to express what is most authentic and individual about you.” Eileen M. Clegg

Some ways to express creativity: Journaling, Drawing, Poetry, Painting, Pottery, Gardening, Cooking, Collage, Photography, Music, Singing, Story, Dance, Drama, Sewing, Jewellery, Design, Film, Sculpture.

Ask: How do I enjoy expressing myself? What creative activities did I enjoy as a child? What creative activities do I enjoy or would like to explore now? What inspires me? Being in Nature, Family, Friends, Children, Music, Films, Travel, Art, Love, Books, Meditation, Learning.  Bring more creativity into your life: Dedicate time to be creative: It’s easy when you’re busy to dismiss as ‘not having enough time’, but what’s more important than nurturing your innermost essence?  Set aside a manageable amount of time – eg. 1 hour on Tuesdays at 7am to journaling.  Create Your Sacred Space: Clear a table, desk, corner of a room. Set up materials – paper, pencils, paints, pastels, crayons, glue, scissors, magazines, photographs, feathers, clay. Turn your phone and TV off.  Play relaxing music or have a candle or essential oils burning. Decorate your space with inspiring images or a beautiful flowers.  Still the Mind and come more into a state of Being. Spend some moments in meditation and bring awareness to your body, releasing tension with the breath, until you feel a greater sense of  relaxation.  Set an Intention about what you wish to create, express, explore – e.g to express how I feel right now;  release stress; to explore my passions and dreams; to gain clarity around…
Create, Express, Explore: Be spontaneous, letting it flow without thinking too much. Take the pressure off yourself to create something ‘good’ or ‘beautiful’. See what emerges.  Reflection: Spend time reflecting or journaling on what you have created – immediate thoughts, feelings, associations of colours, symbols, images, words or shapes you’ve used. This will bring greater meaning and insight.  Keep a Creative Journal with writing, reflections, poetry, drawings, collages, photos, is a great way to explore, express and nurture and blossom into your unique and wonderful Self.  Happy Creating Your 2012!

Would you like to win “An Art Therapy session to envision and explore your dreams, hopes and passions for yourself and your life for 2012″ with Amy Cunliffe? Please answer below (in 40 words or less by 31 January) “What is your creative dream for 2012?” Dream big!  You will also receive a Creativity Alchemical oil.  A runner up (anywhere in the world) will receive a bottle of Creativity Alchemical oil.  Good luck everyone!

A big thank you to one of my favourite ladies, Julie Parker of Beautiful You, who has written this guest blog piece for us about making new year’s resolutions.  Personally speaking, I’ve never had much luck with them. I start off well for the first few weeks of the year and by the end of January I’m feeling sheepish.  Why? Usually because I’m not being realistic.  I remember one year joining Fitness First, determined to go to the gym three times per week.  This lasted, oh about all of two weeks. Why? Because I detest gyms and they’re not too fond of me.  They are way up there on my list of torture methods.  It was never going to be a love match.  So how best can we tackle this subject that rears its ugly head from the middle of December each year?  Julie has some suggestions

So.

January 1st 2012 is nearing and you’re gearing up to start the year off anew.  Resolutions to detox,  start a diet, buy less shoes, lose weight, get up earlier and just ‘kick it’ all round; abound.  It’s a new start.  A new beginning.  And this time you’re really going to make things stick.

And you know what?  You just might.  But if you do you’ll be in the absolute minority because after a few weeks, days, or even hours most of us have chucked our New Year’s resolutions and gone back to living just as we were before.

What’s the deal?  Why does this happen especially when we don’t want it to?  Why don’t New Year resolutions stick?

Well the reasons are as individual and varied as you are but this is a teensy insight into why I think most resolutions end up run off the road on life’s highway…..They’re steeped in rigidity and rules.  I MUST stop doing that.  I MUST get better at this.  I HAVE TO improve.  What a drag.

They’re about fixing something about you – because you’re wrong and need to be fixed.  Your body is wrong and you need to lose weight.  You’re lazy and you need to get more out of your day.  There’s nothing about you that is wrong and you don’t need to be fixed.

They’re unrealistic.  If you love chocolate do you really think you’re on a winner to make a rule for yourself that you’re not going to eat it ever again?  If the previous 5, 25 or 55 diets you’ve been on have not worked what makes you think this one will?  They’re unrealistic.

They’re failing at honouring where you are right now, and all the beauty, strength and resources you have within you.  Do you really need to set a resolution to change anything or do you need to just be and accept?

So let’s start a revolution to stop the resolutions.  Let’s instead honour the arrival of a new year as a chance to celebrate where you are right now and all the amazing things that make you an incredible woman, entrepreneur, friend, Mother, inspirer and so much more.

And all those incredible things you want for 2012?  Whatever they may be?  How are you supposed to achieve them without a resolution to do so?

Love.

If you want to make 2012 an amazing year of achievement and possibility and dreams come true for you, commit to making it happen by loving yourself more.  Treat yourself with respectful kindness.  Speak positively about yourself.  Nurture and feed your body with purposeful intent. Love you.

Love you.

And see not just 2012 but every day you commit to loving yourself more provide you with the untold riches of confidence, belief and the value of being Beautiful You.

Julie Parker is a certified coach and clinical counsellor for women who want to shine with passion, confidence and unshakable self-respect – and take magnificent strides towards beautiful bodies, beautiful businesses and beautiful lives. Through 1:1 sessions, both in person in Melbourne and virtually around the world, Julie’s clients sift through their dreams, set crystalline goals, dissolve limiting beliefs and celebrate their successes as they begin to live their song.  At Beautiful You, Julie shares inspiring images and empowering words to help women cherish their bodies and claim their brilliance. Find her online at BeautifulYouByJulie.com, Facebook and Twitter.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

Not many realize that it can be really difficult for those facing tremendous challenges with self-love in knowing where to start.  It is possible to be stuck in negativity for so long that a person finds it hard to rise above the mental noise.  In extreme cases, inadequate self-love can result in depression, eating disorders or addictive behavior such as taking drugs or alcoholism.

In my book Self-Love Secrets, I share about approaching self-love from the body, mind and spirit.  Hence, it will be helpful to identify which level a person is facing difficulties in.  So if a person is having problems with an eating disorder, then the solution is really to look into solving things at the physical level first.  Alternatively if a person is already doing basic self-care but is engaged in negative self-talk, then a possible place to start is the mental level.  However, as Albert Einstein once said, a problem can never be solved at the level in which it is created.  Hence, to love the self fully involves looking into all three aspects of body, mind and spirit ultimately.  An overall picture of what this means can help a person create a vision of unconditional self-love to work towards.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

I don’t know if there is any one best tip that I have heard.  Each one that has spoken to me has helped me at a different stage.  Perhaps what I can share about is the often-quoted saying, “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”

At first, the saying did not mean much until I started becoming conscious about self-love.  Eventually, I have found it to be true.  From learning about loving myself more fully, miracles started happening for me.  I did not have to do much with any big amount of effort.  My relationships with others started improving and I began to attract more work opportunities, amazingly.

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

I usually allocate time for inner work or meditation.  It means finding some space to be on my own.  With doing inner work, I use a technique known as Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.  EFT helps me release my emotions from whatever issue I am feeling poorly about. (Michelle: I totally agree and use EFT regularly. It’s a wonderful easy tool to shift emotional blocks and rigid thinking.  See www.bradyates.net for free EFT videos where you can tap along on a whole heap of subjects).

To help shift into more positive vibrations of joy and love, I may also paint, play with my children or watch comedies.  Basically it is doing those things that I know will make me feel better.  There are also a number of other ways that I help myself. It really depends on the situation that I am in.  I have found that having an arsenal of ready tips, tools and techniques helpful.  I share what these are in my book, Self-Love Secrets.

Thanks so much for sharing your insights Evelyn. Comedy is also one of my favourite ways to quickly shift my mood if I’m feeling down.

As December draws to a close, we’re often thinking about how we would like to do things differently in the new year. It’s the ideal time to start new behaviours and focus on healthy habits.  In order to give you a bit of extra encouragement, one lucky reader has the chance to win a copy of Evelyn’s fantastic ebook Self-Love Secrets.  I’m currently reading it and really enjoying it!

Tell us in less than 40 words below before 26th January – what self-love habit are you starting to nurture yourself more from this point forward?  Inspire us all

Good luck everyone and here’s to our happiest year yet!

I was pondering the subject of the mother-daughter bond with the lovely Sue Lansdown of peachface, a gorgeous range of products for tweens and teens that also have positive affirmations.  Sue shared what she had learnt from her beautiful daughter Tallulah.  It was a great reminder of how there is much we can learn through the innocent eyes of children and how they can be really aware of what is most important

Sue:  I feel so lucky to be reminded daily by my daughter how she sees this world. By example, she tunes me in to the simplicity of love, fun and creativity.  As a nine-year-old Talullah is gaining the awareness of all those practical manoeuvers she will need to know to function in the world, how to get ready in the morning, tidy up, brush her hair – all manner of responsibilities. The dynamic between us is a delicate dance and one that still winds up in drama at times for us both.  She wants to float about blissfully, dreamily enjoying life and I want her to hurry up and get things done so we can move on to the next things that need getting done!  Being emotional creatures we feel deeply and express our feelings often.

Heading out in a flap one morning, racing to get to school, I was moaning to Talullah about why we need to be more organized and how we have to get it together to get to school on time.  It was a lecture on the fly.  Talullah stopped me at our gate.  I had no time to listen. She said “Mummy it’s really weird, everywhere I look I keep seeing love hearts”. As she pointed down at a love heart shaped puddle I surrendered.

She went on to explain that they, the love hearts appeared on the beach as shells, when she looked down she saw love heart stones, on trees and plants there were love heart leaves and even at school she kept finding love heart scraps of paper. She stated this so matter-of-factly. Her little enquiring, frowning face looked at me as though asking “is this strange? Does everyone see love hearts everywhere?”

I was instantly reminded of my childhood and my memories of seeing love hearts everywhere too.  With 4 kids between my partner and me we both have plenty of reminders to stay present! Our kids continually bring so many awakening moments!  It is a wild ride that takes me to dizzying extremes. As a mum and as a step mum too I have learnt to wait, listen, love, and trust that whatever is playing out in our family dynamic is for the good of us all. Hence my motto ‘everything works out perfectly’. With love and trust it always does work out perfectly.

Three years ago a girlfriend and I began an enquiry into starting a business together. What started out over a cup of tea soon became the vision that is now peachface skincare. We developed peachface products to support pre-teen and teenage girls.  Simple nurturing products that encourage a regular daily skincare routine for girls between eight and thirteen and for teenage girls (13+) we have created a beautiful range of seven products that are more active that help teenagers who may be experiencing a more dramatic increase in sebum as a result of puberty. peachface products are packed full of gorgeous certified organic, natural and Australian indigenous ingredients.   

Focusing in on tween and teen girls as we do with peachface has been wonderful.  I am constantly reminded of my own teenage years and how challenging I was, my confusion, and my ups and downs. I think about what it must have been like for my parents and how the times are so different for kids these days. I feel so much compassion for parents and for kids.  When mums and their girls thank us, acknowledging our peachface products it is the best feeling in the world. peachface was only launched a year ago and it keeps us very busy, but I have learnt to bring a little of what I know as a mum into my work and to trust and know that everything will work out perfectly.

Thank you Sue, that is such a beautiful reminder of what we can learn from children and their ability to be in the present moment and notice the way that nature constantly supplies its loving reminders

For all the mums of daughters reading this – for one lucky reader, here is your chance to win some beautiful peachface products for your daughter: a teen Sweet ‘n’ Sassy cleaner, Honey bee moisturising gel and Think Pink facial mask.  It’s not fair for her to have al the fun and so you will receive a bottle of Sacred Self’s divine Motherlove Alchemical oil for yourself.  This is open worldwide.

We would love to hear from you now in 50 words or less – what is the most valuable piece of wisdom that you have learnt from your daughter or step-daughter -by 20th December.  Good luck everyone, this is a really beautiful Christmas present for yourself and your daughter

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

The thing about just loving yourself is that it is something seemingly simple that actually requires a lot of discipline, at least at first. For me, learning to love myself began as a process of just simply deciding that if nothing else, I deserved more than I was allowing myself. At the time I was barely allowing myself to believe that I deserved the space that I took up in a room, so even deciding that I was worth something better was a really powerful step. From there, I set out to consciously expand on my understanding of who I was and what I deserved. At first this felt horribly artificial. I would work very hard to a) notice when I was saying or thinking negative things about myself and then b) re-pattern that thought with something kind about myself. Over time, this became more automatic, but I also had to really focus on being kind to myself during the process. I messed up a lot. I still mess up a lot, but the mainstay of my self-love can be found in the tenderness with which I examine my own process and the space that I allow myself in fumbling towards a more happy and healthy existence.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

Honestly, the self-love tip that has helped me the most is buying clothing that fits, and making an effort to have outfits on hand that make me feel gorgeous. I am a firm believer in the fact that if your clothing pinches or rides or constricts, it is a serious day ruiner. There is nothing like a constant reminder that you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. For me, even the fit of my underwear is crucial – there is nothing as awful as wearing a pair of underwear that is too small. So my advice is this, try your best to ignore the size on the label if that’s an issue for you, and put an emphasis on stocking up on outfits that make you feel amazing. You are worth the investment, and it is much easier to love yourself when you feel good in the clothing you put on in the morning.

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

I make lists. I think that dedicating some time to get to know yourself is extremely beneficial for moments like these. I make lists about all of the ways that I can best take care of myself. I spend lots of my time thinking about how my dangerous and dark thinking serves me. I make a concerted effort to soften my eyes when I think about those thoughts, and forgive myself for the things that I’ve done that I’m not so proud of. Most of all, I write it all down – to get it out of my body and onto the paper – so that I might look at it more objectively. I refuse to hold my shame close to my heart anymore, and part of that is making a vow to myself to be completely honest about my experiences, especially with myself. This process can be difficult, and that is why this self-care list is ever-so-important. Sometimes, we get so mired down in our own personal histories that we forget how to be sweet to ourselves. So my advice is this: compile a master list of the things you love, the things that make you feel alive, and pick something off of that list to do often. Bonus points if you can help yourself believe that you truly deserve it.

Thank you so much Mara. I so resonate with wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in and particularly underwear. It is such a nurturing thing to do to treat yourself in this way and care about what is against your skin all day. Again focusing on how you feel in something, rather than the size is so crucial. Choose a colour that makes you feel vibrant and alive, so you can really enjoy the skin you’re in.

One lucky reader is going to be fortunate enough to have Mara generously write a blog piece based on a body image issue with which they would like some advice. Please share a body image issue (in 40 words or less) by 20th December. Mara is then going to share a blog piece about that subject on Medicinal Marzipan that we can all benefit from. Good luck everyone!

I am a fan of Michele’s amazing spiritual photography business where she creates intimate portraits of nature, that capture the stunning beauty that surrounds us.  Check out www.mandalareflections.com where you will be spoilt for choice!

Each month our Self-love Ambassador will respond to 3 questions with answers that we can all benefit from. No matter how good our intentions, we all have our off days and can use a little boost now and then to get us back on track.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

It does sound trite, doesn’t it? Because it is such a simple statement, yet it is not so easy to do, especially for those of us who have experienced traumatic childhoods. I spent the first 29 years of my life hating myself. If someone would have said to me “just love yourself” I likely would have laughed at them and walked away. But deep down inside, something would stir… a recognition of truth. Where does one begin? Within. By spending time with yourself, in silence, in comtemplation. Stop distracting yourself with work, volunteering, household duties, drama, etc. Just stop and spend some time in stillness. Maybe write in a journal, read an inspiring book, take a bath, or go for a walk in nature. So often, we don’t like our own company and will do anything to avoid being alone… because we don’t like ourselves. If we take the time to slow down and get to know ourselves, we are able to begin the journey into understanding, compassion and love. This is where it all begins…

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

Louise Hay changed my life with her affirmations CD. I had it in my car and would listen to it every time I drove anywhere… for months!  Her words: “Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. And I am safe.” were what kept me afloat through the hardest and darkest days of my life. Self-love isn’t about hearts and roses, it’s about trusting that a part of you knows what is best for you. It’s about recognizing your strengths and your weaknesses, and understanding that those are what make you unique and beautiful and needed in the world. Learning to love yourself ultimately comes down to trust…. in you!

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

That’s a great question… it’s one that has literally kept me alive when the days feel too heavy to go on. Over the years, I’ve learned what lifts me up, fills me… I’ve had to find my own ways of coping with depression. Some of these include: talking to my friends, the ones who understand me and won’t judge me when I tell them how horrible I’m feeling about life and myself; meditation or listening to music; writing; spending time outdoors; reading; painting; watching an inspirational movie; listening to Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay or Byron Katie; sleeping; yoga; taking a bath. All of these things bring me back to my heart… because they make me feel good, reminding me of what it is to feel joy and peace. Sometimes, these things don’t work… at least not for long… and I have to remind myself to have compassion and patience. The more I fight the feelings, the longer they remain. A wise friend of mine once told me, “What resists, persists.” Which is so true! The more we resist our feelings, the more overwhelming they become. So sometimes, I just cry. I allow myself to sit in the sorrow, the pain, the darkness and be with it. For a day or two… and then I pick myself up and return to those things that bring me joy.

Thank you so much Michele for those words of wisdom. It is so important as you say to allow yourself to feel all your feelings and just cry sometimes if you feel like it and not make it wrong, and then turn to something that is more uplifting.

One lucky reader is going to win a few gorgeous gifts from Michele – a love magnet and bookmark (image pictured above) and also a tin of beautiful affirmation cards with flower seeds that you can plant in your garden as you set some wonderful self-love intentions for yourself.  Simply let us know your best tip below for changing your mood when you have been feeling really down on yourself – in 40 words or less by 25th November.  Good luck everyone!