There is a saying that you teach what you most need to learn. Learning to love myself, moment by moment, is a journey of colourful twists and turns. What we all have in common is a deep desire to love and be loved. Yet how often do we make ourselves the recipient of our own love? Too often the meaning of self-love is misunderstood, but really how can you relate in a healthy way to anyone if you can’t make yourself happy?

In 2003, I was guided to create Sacred Self’s signature oil, ‘Self-love’. Others followed, preceding or following particularly challenging periods. One NYE I set a naive intention to dissolve all that was not in alignment with my highest truth and received a ‘Truth’ blend. Cue: numerous curve balls, experiences of betrayal,loss and illusions of stability removed. I began to learn the meaning of ‘surrender’. Fortunately I held onto my sense of humour.

I made a decision to open to 100% self-love. What followed was one of the most confronting and intense times of my life, as I felt every feeling and emotion I had ever avoided or repressed.  It was as though I needed to see, hear, feel and experience the same message over and over until it finally begin to sink in – everything comes back to self-love.

My definition of self-love is 100% self-responsibility – taking ownership for all that is occurring, instead of projecting needs onto others, playing the victim and refusing to step into empowerment.

Sacred Self Alchemical oils are gifts from and to the most challenging aspects of myself – providing pathways to self-love. The more I embrace these aspects, rather than deny or ignore them, the more inner peace I experience.

I am passionate about falling in love with all parts of myself and celebrating all I am. This lifelong journey is also about creating tools that gently remind others to do the same.  The more you love yourself the more love you are able to extend to others. My dream is that everyone remembers this truth.

Well it’s my favourite time of the month when we receive some wisdom from an inspirational person who promotes the value of self-love in their work.  The lovely Sarah Prout bestselling author and entrepeneur who writes about LOVE, in all its many valuable forms, shares her insights.  She is the co-founder of Älska, an inspirational publishing company, and has created the exciting Adventures in Manifesting series. Her message is simple…it’s to live your life being conscious of the things you LOVE.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

I would suggest if the concept of loving yourself is too overwhelming that a good place to start is by just being kind to yourself. A more gentle approach to self-love and self-care is essential in the early stages of tapping into your own power. Loving yourself is about creating a vibrant life for yourself that needs you to be the best version of yourself to enjoy it.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

The best self-love tip I’ve ever heard is that if you place yourself in the shoes of your daughter how would you want her to feel about herself? I grew up with a mother that always said she was ugly and didn’t have a healthy level of self-esteem. This was such a blessing because I followed in her footsteps and found her to be such a powerful teacher. She was a role model that I knew I didn’t want to replicate (even though I love her).

I am very happy to introduce our latest Self-love Ambassador, Evelyn Lim, an author, life coach, intuitive consultant and vision board counsellor from Singapore.  Evelyn’s motto is “Change begins with you.  Be a luminary of love and light.”  Her personal creed stems from the importance of aligning with the true self in order to consciously manifest for abundance.  It arose from her personal journey into greater self-love. Evelyn Lim is the author of “Abundance Alchemy: Journey of Gold” and co-author of “Adventures in Manifesting: Success and Spirituality” with authors such as Dr Joe Vitale and Dr Fred Alan Wolf (from The Secret).  For free articles visit www.AbundanceTapestry.com or check out her book at www.selflovesecrets.com

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

Not many realize that it can be really difficult for those facing tremendous challenges with self-love in knowing where to start.  It is possible to be stuck in negativity for so long that a person finds it hard to rise above the mental noise.  In extreme cases, inadequate self-love can result in depression, eating disorders or addictive behavior such as taking drugs or alcoholism.

In my book Self-Love Secrets, I share about approaching self-love from the body, mind and spirit.  Hence, it will be helpful to identify which level a person is facing difficulties in.  So if a person is having problems with an eating disorder, then the solution is really to look into solving things at the physical level first.  Alternatively if a person is already doing basic self-care but is engaged in negative self-talk, then a possible place to start is the mental level.  However, as Albert Einstein once said, a problem can never be solved at the level in which it is created.  Hence, to love the self fully involves looking into all three aspects of body, mind and spirit ultimately.  An overall picture of what this means can help a person create a vision of unconditional self-love to work towards.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

I don’t know if there is any one best tip that I have heard.  Each one that has spoken to me has helped me at a different stage.  Perhaps what I can share about is the often-quoted saying, “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”

At first, the saying did not mean much until I started becoming conscious about self-love.  Eventually, I have found it to be true.  From learning about loving myself more fully, miracles started happening for me.  I did not have to do much with any big amount of effort.  My relationships with others started improving and I began to attract more work opportunities, amazingly.

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

I usually allocate time for inner work or meditation.  It means finding some space to be on my own.  With doing inner work, I use a technique known as Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT.  EFT helps me release my emotions from whatever issue I am feeling poorly about. (Michelle: I totally agree and use EFT regularly. It’s a wonderful easy tool to shift emotional blocks and rigid thinking.  See www.bradyates.net for free EFT videos where you can tap along on a whole heap of subjects).

To help shift into more positive vibrations of joy and love, I may also paint, play with my children or watch comedies.  Basically it is doing those things that I know will make me feel better.  There are also a number of other ways that I help myself. It really depends on the situation that I am in.  I have found that having an arsenal of ready tips, tools and techniques helpful.  I share what these are in my book, Self-Love Secrets.

Thanks so much for sharing your insights Evelyn. Comedy is also one of my favourite ways to quickly shift my mood if I’m feeling down.

As December draws to a close, we’re often thinking about how we would like to do things differently in the new year. It’s the ideal time to start new behaviours and focus on healthy habits.  In order to give you a bit of extra encouragement, one lucky reader has the chance to win a copy of Evelyn’s fantastic ebook Self-Love Secrets.  I’m currently reading it and really enjoying it!

Tell us in less than 40 words below before 26th January – what self-love habit are you starting to nurture yourself more from this point forward?  Inspire us all

Good luck everyone and here’s to our happiest year yet!

Well here we again with our next Self-love Ambassador of the month – the lovely Mara of Medicinal Marzipan, a popular blog that focuses on body image and authentic living. Mara, based in Boston, USA, writes in a very honest, open way about learning to love her body one day at a time. It’s always appealing when someone is writing in a very personal way from the heart I love reading all these different tips and insights about the journey of self-love. It really reinforces to me how much we all have in common.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

The thing about just loving yourself is that it is something seemingly simple that actually requires a lot of discipline, at least at first. For me, learning to love myself began as a process of just simply deciding that if nothing else, I deserved more than I was allowing myself. At the time I was barely allowing myself to believe that I deserved the space that I took up in a room, so even deciding that I was worth something better was a really powerful step. From there, I set out to consciously expand on my understanding of who I was and what I deserved. At first this felt horribly artificial. I would work very hard to a) notice when I was saying or thinking negative things about myself and then b) re-pattern that thought with something kind about myself. Over time, this became more automatic, but I also had to really focus on being kind to myself during the process. I messed up a lot. I still mess up a lot, but the mainstay of my self-love can be found in the tenderness with which I examine my own process and the space that I allow myself in fumbling towards a more happy and healthy existence.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

Honestly, the self-love tip that has helped me the most is buying clothing that fits, and making an effort to have outfits on hand that make me feel gorgeous. I am a firm believer in the fact that if your clothing pinches or rides or constricts, it is a serious day ruiner. There is nothing like a constant reminder that you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. For me, even the fit of my underwear is crucial – there is nothing as awful as wearing a pair of underwear that is too small. So my advice is this, try your best to ignore the size on the label if that’s an issue for you, and put an emphasis on stocking up on outfits that make you feel amazing. You are worth the investment, and it is much easier to love yourself when you feel good in the clothing you put on in the morning.

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

I make lists. I think that dedicating some time to get to know yourself is extremely beneficial for moments like these. I make lists about all of the ways that I can best take care of myself. I spend lots of my time thinking about how my dangerous and dark thinking serves me. I make a concerted effort to soften my eyes when I think about those thoughts, and forgive myself for the things that I’ve done that I’m not so proud of. Most of all, I write it all down – to get it out of my body and onto the paper – so that I might look at it more objectively. I refuse to hold my shame close to my heart anymore, and part of that is making a vow to myself to be completely honest about my experiences, especially with myself. This process can be difficult, and that is why this self-care list is ever-so-important. Sometimes, we get so mired down in our own personal histories that we forget how to be sweet to ourselves. So my advice is this: compile a master list of the things you love, the things that make you feel alive, and pick something off of that list to do often. Bonus points if you can help yourself believe that you truly deserve it.

Thank you so much Mara. I so resonate with wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in and particularly underwear. It is such a nurturing thing to do to treat yourself in this way and care about what is against your skin all day. Again focusing on how you feel in something, rather than the size is so crucial. Choose a colour that makes you feel vibrant and alive, so you can really enjoy the skin you’re in.

One lucky reader is going to be fortunate enough to have Mara generously write a blog piece based on a body image issue with which they would like some advice. Please share a body image issue (in 40 words or less) by 20th December. Mara is then going to share a blog piece about that subject on Medicinal Marzipan that we can all benefit from. Good luck everyone!

I am delighted to continue with our Self-love Ambassador series where we will spotlight a different person from around the world each month and be inspired by their self-love tips and advice.  This month we have artist, counsellor and mentor, Michele Edwards Harshenin of British Columbia in Canada of www.learntoloveyou.com

I am a fan of Michele’s amazing spiritual photography business where she creates intimate portraits of nature, that capture the stunning beauty that surrounds us.  Check out www.mandalareflections.com where you will be spoilt for choice!

Each month our Self-love Ambassador will respond to 3 questions with answers that we can all benefit from. No matter how good our intentions, we all have our off days and can use a little boost now and then to get us back on track.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

It does sound trite, doesn’t it? Because it is such a simple statement, yet it is not so easy to do, especially for those of us who have experienced traumatic childhoods. I spent the first 29 years of my life hating myself. If someone would have said to me “just love yourself” I likely would have laughed at them and walked away. But deep down inside, something would stir… a recognition of truth. Where does one begin? Within. By spending time with yourself, in silence, in comtemplation. Stop distracting yourself with work, volunteering, household duties, drama, etc. Just stop and spend some time in stillness. Maybe write in a journal, read an inspiring book, take a bath, or go for a walk in nature. So often, we don’t like our own company and will do anything to avoid being alone… because we don’t like ourselves. If we take the time to slow down and get to know ourselves, we are able to begin the journey into understanding, compassion and love. This is where it all begins…

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?

Louise Hay changed my life with her affirmations CD. I had it in my car and would listen to it every time I drove anywhere… for months!  Her words: “Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. And I am safe.” were what kept me afloat through the hardest and darkest days of my life. Self-love isn’t about hearts and roses, it’s about trusting that a part of you knows what is best for you. It’s about recognizing your strengths and your weaknesses, and understanding that those are what make you unique and beautiful and needed in the world. Learning to love yourself ultimately comes down to trust…. in you!

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

That’s a great question… it’s one that has literally kept me alive when the days feel too heavy to go on. Over the years, I’ve learned what lifts me up, fills me… I’ve had to find my own ways of coping with depression. Some of these include: talking to my friends, the ones who understand me and won’t judge me when I tell them how horrible I’m feeling about life and myself; meditation or listening to music; writing; spending time outdoors; reading; painting; watching an inspirational movie; listening to Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay or Byron Katie; sleeping; yoga; taking a bath. All of these things bring me back to my heart… because they make me feel good, reminding me of what it is to feel joy and peace. Sometimes, these things don’t work… at least not for long… and I have to remind myself to have compassion and patience. The more I fight the feelings, the longer they remain. A wise friend of mine once told me, “What resists, persists.” Which is so true! The more we resist our feelings, the more overwhelming they become. So sometimes, I just cry. I allow myself to sit in the sorrow, the pain, the darkness and be with it. For a day or two… and then I pick myself up and return to those things that bring me joy.

Thank you so much Michele for those words of wisdom. It is so important as you say to allow yourself to feel all your feelings and just cry sometimes if you feel like it and not make it wrong, and then turn to something that is more uplifting.

One lucky reader is going to win a few gorgeous gifts from Michele – a love magnet and bookmark (image pictured above) and also a tin of beautiful affirmation cards with flower seeds that you can plant in your garden as you set some wonderful self-love intentions for yourself.  Simply let us know your best tip below for changing your mood when you have been feeling really down on yourself – in 40 words or less by 25th November.  Good luck everyone!

Each month I will spotlight a Self-love Ambassador who is doing wonderful work ‘spreading self-love around the world’ in their chosen field. They will share their self-love tips for our wellbeing in response to three questions. This month we hear from Julie Parker of Melbourne, Australia, who writes one of my favourite blogs, Beautiful You, promoting positive body image, self-confidence and how to live an inspirational life.

www.beautifulyoubyjulie.com

Julie, a coach and counsellor, works with national and international clients to help them recognise their beauty and uniqueness so they can step boldly into the life they want to live.  Julie has coached hundreds of people to find their dream career, uncover their potential, make money doing what they love, and get ‘unstuck’ so they can be their most magnificent self. She regularly appears in the media discussing issues relating to positive body image.

It can seem trite when we hear the words ‘just love yourself’. How would you suggest that someone does this if they don’t know where to start?

A path to rocking self-love beings by simply being kind to yourself. Nurture your body with foods you love and movement that makes you feel energised and alive. Do things you love to do. The things that make you feel joyous and alive. When we are kind to ourselves in this way and fill our life with things that feel great, it’s a given that we will feel more boosted, energetic, aligned and alive. Once we are cultivating these feelings within ourselves we can then truly begin to nurture and work on being more self-loving at a deeper level, because we are already doing it topically.

Going deeper into self-love then means we talk positively about ourselves and never put ourselves down. We don’t abuse ourselves through our thinking, behaviours or company we keep. We become in tune with what we really know we want and need to feel fulfilled, happy and living our best life. They may sound like big concepts but truly they are just about believing you are worthy of the most powerful love that exists – your love. And you are.

What’s the best self-love tip you have ever heard?
Never compare yourself to someone else. We are all unique and gifted and beautiful in our own way and that should be something we not just acknowledge, but celebrate. You are not a cookie cutter cookie! Learning to truly love yourself means you honour yourself and trust that you don’t need to compare your body, bank account, partner, children, business or life to anyone else. You love yourself enough to know that you are where you are meant to be and you allow others to be the same with grace, dignity and respect.

How do you bring yourself back into your heart when you are feeling down on yourself?

Move towards (either gently or with a rush – whatever works for you!) things that you love and make you feel great. Paint. Run. Talk with a friend. Watch a funny movie. Read an inspirational book. Meditate. Have a bubble bath. When you are talking, or painting, or reading, you will feel more centred and expressing of the real you which in turn means your heart is open and ready to receive more positive thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Also remember that we all have moments and times of feeling less than our best self. Our self-esteem and confidence is never static, but is something that ebbs and flows. Always treating yourself well with loving kindness and care though will ensure that even if you are feeling down on yourself you will have some wonderful things to call upon that you know will support and nurture you. It’s when we feel low and most down that our self-love really needs to kick into gear. We can all love ourselves when things are going super well, but real self-love is when we can still know we are ok and worthy when we’ve made a mistake, need to turn a corner or are feeling lost. It’s ok to allow yourself to feel that flatness but move through it with self-love and kindness and you will never really leave your heart in the first place.

Thank you Julie for those fab tips.  We also have a special competition where one lucky reader can win the following SHINE package, usually worth $300! This will be an amazing source of inspiration, ignition and ideas for you to take your business, career and life to the next level!

Simply express in 50 words or less why you should win this package in the comments section below by 15th October 2011 and I will choose the lucky winner!

SHINE!

YOU – the winner – will email Julie your amazing idea, challenge, dilemma or whatever is tugging at your heart. She will send you a Beautiful You Questionnaire that will get you thinking BIG, digging DEEP and delving into the HEART of what you really want to be and achieve. You will have a one hour phone or SKYPE session with Julie that will focus on getting you laser sharp, shining and focused on the essence of what you really want to achieve. You will walk away with some clear, powerful and inspiring actions that Julie will send you an Action Plan of for you to follow through on. You’ll have another thirty minute follow up session with Julie within a month to check in, hold you accountable and share your success!

Good luck everyone!